Finding the words.
I’ve wanted to write a blog post about body image for a long time but it’s never easy to find the right words. I feel like it’s often a difficult topic to talk about without feeling like people will think you’re looking for attention or compliments. That’s in no way why I’ve chosen to write down how I’ve been feeling recently.
You don’t have to know me well to know that I love a selfie. People who follow me on Instagram or have me on Snapchat will be used to seeing photos of my face on their screens. However, I’ve noticed that recently I’ve taken very few photos of my face or I’ve covered it with my phone. This could be down to the fact that for the last month I’ve been running round like a headless chicken back to work full time, training 5-6 times a week and trying to uphold some form of a social life. The last couple of days though, I’ve been feeling like maybe it goes deeper than that.
Unattractive.
Chatting to one of the girls in work this morning, I mentioned that recently I’ve just felt really unattractive. The only way I can describe it is that I just feel like a big lump. A bit bleugh and a bit meh. Standing on the scales, I’m a couple of kgs heavier than I was at the start of the summer. In the lead up to my birthday (which is at the start of July) I was on a big healthy eating kick, I’d cut out chocolate and I was making healthier snacking choices and I felt great. However, following on from off season and the stress of coming back to work, I’ve found it really difficult to get back into. The temptation and need for a bar of chocolate after a long or difficult day has been strong and I definitely think that when you’re tired – which I am all the time at the moment – you crave sweet and stodgy food. Literally give me ALL the carbs.
I’m hoping that if I get back into healthier snacking and settle into my routine of an earlier bed time and wake up time my perception of myself and how I’m feeling will change. The reality is though, that there’s a chance that it won’t. Each time I stand in front of a mirror, whether it be when I’m getting dressed or before I get into bed, my eyes are automatically drawn to the areas of my body that I’m not happy with. The little pouch at the bottom of my stomach or the lack of a thigh gap which makes me look like a mermaid. It’s not that I hate my body or hate how I look at all, and a lot of you would probably think the opposite after looking at my Instagram. All I can say is that the angle is everything. I can spend a long long time taking tens of photos, changing the angle that I’m stood or the angle that the phone or camera is held, changing the mirror or window I’m stood in front of to ensure I have the best lighting.
Selfies.
My very first blog was about how taking a selfie can trigger huge amounts of anxiety. It was a blog post which many people said that they related to. As comforting as it was to have so much support and agreement from others, it’s made me reflect on how many young girls and women have issues with their self-image and self-worth. The number of young people suffering with eating disorders and thoughts that hound them every minute of every day is astounding. One of my closest friends – who is recovering from an eating disorder – once said something to me which has stuck with me. I think I mentioned to her that I just wasn’t happy with my body at the time and didn’t feel attractive (similar to the feelings I have at the moment) and she said that she couldn’t remember the last time she liked what she saw when she looked in a mirror. How awful that we live in a time where what we see when we look in a mirror is of such importance that it’s making us ill. I used the word suffering when referring to eating disorders before because these people are suffering. Suffering with thoughts which cause them to restrict and control every possible aspect of their lives because they feel like they are spiralling uncontrollably. To have such feelings of panic after eating even the smallest and healthiest of meals.
The unrealistic expectation that comes from social media sites, especially Instagram – where the explore section shows nothing but seemingly ‘perfect’ people with ‘perfect’ bodies and ‘perfect’ lives can be quite dangerous.
Is there a point?
I feel like the main point of this blog post is to explain how I’ve been feeling recently. Feelings of insecurity and being conscious about how you look is something which affects everyone. Sometimes those insecurities and negative thoughts are stronger than other times. I believe very strongly in self-care and that it comes in many different forms. Whether it’s hopping into a hot bubble bath, eating that bar of chocolate, doing some exercise or just having a giggle with some friends.
The most important thing is that we try to remember that social media isn’t real life and the best thing we can do is to be kind to each other. I’ve included a couple of quotes below that I found on Pinterest which act as little reminders to help ground me when my thoughts and feelings are going haywire. I use them to remind myself that each and every one of us is beautiful in our own way – even if we aren’t feeling so great physically we still have who we are and no amount of negative thoughts can take that away from us.
*All images taken from Pinterest*
liv walks 